For everything there is a season....

And this season I gotta go on hiatus for a small period of time. My little sister broke my laptop and as u read I'm posting on my sidekick...so write without me lovers! During this hiatus most of my time will b spent breaking my broke foot off in her ass untill I can come up with $130 to buy a new power adapter.....tear. SO not flyy....

Secrets of a Southern Belle...Who's Independence day?

Definitely not mine. When this day came into fruition, me and my peeps were still in the field singin "oh lordy, pick a bail uh cotton...oh lorday pick a bail uh hay...." so it wasnt much to celebrate. But since it was "independence day" i broke my dependence to my hairweave and let my head rest for the weekend if that means anything. I did go to a wedding, though. LET ME TELL YOU WHY I WAS DEAD-WRONG FOR ATTENDING THE WEDDING.MY HOISH CHICKENS CAME HOME TO ROOST. The couple were two people that I used to work with at a restaurant. I wont say their names, cuz I can get killed for what I'm about to share with you guys.Three years ago, at the tender age of sixteen, I carried on in an episode w/ the groom, then 24. ( yeah he's a nasty child molester, but it took me a couple years to figure that out, and how naive I was)anyway, I was still close with his family, becasue we all worked together and I went to high school with some of his cousins.They were the ones who begged me to come. What the hell would I look like ( the other woman thats what) going to his wedding? If it looks like a ho, walks like a ho, and smiles like a ho, it aint chicken. Also in attendance was my ex Courtney, who the Groom claims as his cousin.(i didnt know that until later.) He just moved here from AL not too long ago, and in that time, managed to cheat on me with every janky white bitch you can make up! So I didnt want to go alone, and I also didnt want to go with anybody ugly, or who knew about the situation. I had to come up with somebody...so I came up with Dez, the cheating boyfriend I've mentioned in past posts. H'es 6'6, dominican, indian, and black, and not the brightest crayon in the box. (HE WAS PERFECT!) so we got there and of course, all eyes were on us....heeheehee. and that was including my decidely new NONfriend, Krystal. Krystal attends the same school as me, is as intelligent, and extremely beautiful. The only resaon I tolerate her is becasue she's Chocolate and beautiful, and represents for us!( 'ill explain that story later) In any case, her social climbing ass was there, and deicded to give me the cold shoulder. (we in the south/midwest, and u are rude as hell if u dont speak, even if u hate each other!) so it was no surprise that karma breezed past us in the reception hall and she got knocked on her ass. (video below.enjoy.heehee)

So finally everybody settled down and the wedding began. It was perfect, short and sweet, just like I like it, and soo touching, actually. No matter how much hatred I felt towards the groom for things that happened, and pity i felt for the scrawney, chicken legged redbone bride, they didnt care. It was all about them, the way it should be. And a glimmer of jealousy sparked in my chest and spread untill I was completely green under neath my electric blue dress. I'm very afriad that I wont find THE ONE....nevertheless I'll always have me...so after the wedding everyone was passing out drinks, and my ex Coutney the Cheater was manning the Table and wouldnt give me one. (punk bitch)somehow i managed to finagle one anyway.So as I swtiched my flyy ass out the door to drop dez off and quite early, there was no need to stay and schmooze, thats just wrong) I didnt feel half as akward and wrong as I thought...WHat would one say about that?

ghetto fabulism.....

so in an attempt to get my mind off my incredible brokeness and Hip-hop's current bitchass behavior, my friend Ryan took me to a fashion show. My first fashion show, in fact,and I was rather excited. Being in a time where plus sized models are cropping up everywhere and I myself am 5'8 and wear a 14, i decided maybe this might be a place to take stock and decide if I might like to do something of the sort (we all know every young girl has those dreams of glitz and glamour!)I also wanted to go becasue I wanted to support my friend bebe.She, by the way, killed it! (shamless promotion part here) Her name is Brittany Nicole Baker and she's a good 5'9 or 5'10 and a great model and she needs work! (ok promotions over lol....hey I can also try pr, cant i?)

In any case, the show was supposed to start at 7....but it was a BLACK fashion show. IT did not begin untill 8:15. Now im a rookie at attending these things, but I dont think that what went on at this fashion show goes on at all of them (or proffesional ones at that) here's a couple thing's I jotted down at the show on my SK:
*No this man did not just walk up on the "stage" (read: Platform)and grab the mike and start singin! WTF?
*Now this old reggae chan lookin ass nigga is up rappin....no he did not just bust out with Boo-Ya-kah!
*Not this VIP section off to the side in this lil ass room with all these old people (original models from 1800 in Africa lookin ass)
*Oh no! why is this dude gettin into it with one of the models and is walkn around talkin bout ima smack this bitch in her mouth. (in front of the elderly, I mean Really?)
*Why is this girl walkin around with this bebe/dickies lookin shortset w. a rhinestone belt and a matchin rhinestone g-string?
*why are all the models coming out and announcing themselves? Does this take place in a regualr show?
These were just some random thoughts that i had to jot down in order to keep my mouth from droppin.boy, and I thought I was broke down....This show was too through. lol. well at least I got out for the weekend.
Pics below: I didnt include myself in any of these, but here's the "stage" (read: platform), a pic of my friend Ryan, and a pic of the new redbone I think Hip-hop's cheating on me with this month...she cute aint she? At least my baby dont down grade....
eye-roll. I'm goin to sleep.

LA, LA LA LA, wait till I get my money right....

Yesterday morning, over Hip-Hop's house (who by the way it only took tonight for our relationship to deteriorate again-he's too damn old for this now i mean damn...)I pulled up the blinds and looked out of the big bay window of his loft. I looked down at the little people walking the streets and looked across the way of our bridge, linking us to another state. I put my elbows down and stared out at this glittering, pretty, yet country, little metropolis and thought to myself:
Damn I am so broke.
I quit the telemarketing job yesterday. I was a horrible saleswoman (as i suspected ever since i got freaking hired there) and only averaged about 1 sale per hour. Apparently the people over me didnt think it so wise that i and other wack sales people be allowed to get paid for doing nothing (which is basically what we all are doing there anyway) and started cutting my hours. To two-hour-at-a-time shifts. do you know how much gas costs, man? I had to cut that bull ish short. So i went to get my check today, took off my badge when I got it, and rolled the hell out of there. I've just almost finished oaying this month's round of bills so if I stay in the house and go nowhere i just might be able to scrape by with these last two checks....(silently kicking myself for not working at the sex shop....)
however, that is not where my problems w/money end.
I am 4 stacks short of my tuition money. And that's to pay for LAST semester. Things are getting pretty crucial right now, seeing as I only have two months to get sometype of scholarship or Loan. It's hard as hell to get a loan in my household, becasue like a lot of black parents i know ( i wont say all) their credit is F***** and you know you have to have a great cosigner for those things...anyway, I'm starting to panic. I really dont know what to do. I keep trying to remember, there are loads of people who are in worse positions than you!!!! but that mantra isnt workin as well as it used to....
somebody pray for me.lol

Get Out Of My Room....

okay so it took me a really long time to write back....sorry. My friend Hannah died. She lived next door to me in my dorm...It's always scary when somebody my age dies, since i'm such a baby myself...I was going through all these "death comes in threes" deals. Hannah was a very sickly girl. She often got me sick, isnce I have the immune system from hell.And i would cuss her out from that, too. Crazy how the one time She was sick when i wasnt around (she caught pnuemonia) killed her. Hannah was the stereotypical rich white country girl that we have in mind when talkin about "whitefolks". When I first met her, she didnt know who Rosa Parks was, Thought broke as a college student meant having $800 in your bank account a week, and had a big scary taste for UK football players. But hannah, however, never pretended to be somebody she wasn't, and in spite of her redneck ways, I fell in love with her. lol in any case, the things I had problems about with her i have problems with alot. Hannah was yet ANOTHER non-black woman who had a taste for black guys, and had no problem getting them!She never understood why it made me and my kayla so so mad when she would come into pur room and tell us about yet ANOTHER doctor or lawyer, welder, writer or whatever of black descent that she had picked up...It bothered me to no end! and that's a problem I have to deal with still.Also, like I said earlier, she always made me SICK! she would come into my room coughing and shit and say, "Ashley, I'm sick". And I'd say, "Hannah, what the fuck am I supposed to do? Get the fuck out of my room!"
So it was no surprise that my unresolved conflicts with her led me to believe she was haunting me.
the day I found out she was dead, I started having nightmares that she was standing by my bed, saying "Ashley, I'm sick." Only she wasnt regualr Hannah. She was dead hannah. crazy, I know. So i couldnt go to sleep for a while!!! And finally, the funeral arrived. Me and Marissa ventured to Middlesboro kentucky, a city in a crater. It seems like after that damn city was built post-slavery, time stood still. We were the only two black girls to even go to the funeral. Probably the only two she really knew. We had to go to the damn cemetary as well, and it was high on a hillside, lookin all pet-cemetery-ish. (the city limits even had wrought-iron gates, like something out of a horror movie! Salem's lot or some shit.) anyway, after the preacher said the prayer,everybody walked to the coffin and took a flower from the casket. I didnt, however. I wanted no part of her. I did, however, lean down to the lid of the casket and whisper, "Hannah, get the fuck out of my room." And walked off. And havent had a bad dream since....
I do, however, need to work through these racist issues linked to her.