All Hallowed Foolishness

IF LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES....
then is death like peas? lol just wondering.

meanwhile, I havent been posting much because I've been feeling a lil drained, and often without hope, when it suddenly occured to me that writing about it might make me feel better...I keep losing and getting back this stupid NIGHT DESK job!!!! you would think that a job that required almost no type of brain at all would be easy to attain and maintain! well hell, I'm thinking stripping might even be an easier task...I'm starting to almost believe that saying "College isnt for everybody." this has not been an easy three past semesters for me. AT ALL. but we're also in a recession, so what to do, what to do....but stay in school and try and get it together. Meanwhile, on the happy end of the spectrum, Im looking forward to snagging my first place!!! YAY!!!! I'm pretty sure that after this, nobody will be able to tell me NOTHING! But it's still in the works right now, so just keep your fingers crossed and pray for meh!!!ps, I felt super-better and motivated after I read an old post from Glimmering Hope (http://channand.blogspot.com y'all should check it out it's hot) that pretty much was a reassurance that the bull-ish happening to me now was really happeneing FOR me...food for thought. Anyway, in a past post I told you guys what I did for my halloween...
I attended a funeral.
It was my oldest maternal aunt Bonnie's funeral.It marked the 4th death in my life this year, and not exactly something I was looking forward to. (this is probably one of the contributing factors to my madness this year) I have a huge immediate family, so my outside family is such a numerous bunch, half of them I dont even know. (hope to god I havent dated any...) and while all the ones I know are boughie, live in extremely nice homes and have nice cars and a lil change in the bank, my outside family all reside in the HOOD. I already knew when my mom told me it was being held in a funeral home and not a church that i was in a for a sight.
1st of all: So many negroes showed up it looked like a freaking players ball, all the woman loud, and all the men scary. All throughout the aisles, things could be heard such as:
* "Girllllllll, where did you get that weave at? That new store on 45th and market?"
* "She KNOW she is wrong for wearing pink up in here..she probly spent her light bill money to buy that tacky ass outfit....chile tell the truth and shame the devil!"
* "Well I heard they couldnt afford no church, but that dont leave you and me."
* "Do they got food afterwards? Cuz i know this gon b long."
* "here put yo coat on this chair so dont nobody take my seat. its gettin packed and you know i betta not have to take off my earrings. Shit."

So amidst the babies cryin, relatives getting reacquainted, and seat shuffling, the service finally began. It started off cool, my youngest aunt sang a song....and then a singing ensemble got on the platform, and it went downhill from there. It was four people, one thick dread-locked man who sung soprano, my gay cousin gary (Iman is his stage name), one woman with a GINORMOUS ass and hips with the visible wedgie from hell, and a pregnant white girl with 5 inch nails and long red hair that touched her pancake behind. They sang a very,very strange rendition of "this battle is not yours (its the lord's.) from there my cousin troy got up and said some remarks that he wrote down (but he's a little slow) and ended up stuttering his way through the last sentence. Troy is 6'7 and 350, and when he got finished he ran back to his seat nervously and his big ass almost crashed to the floor. By this time my eyes had misted over from tears of laughter, and an allergic reaction to cousin Laquan's designer imposter perfume.( I do believe it was called Royalty, a knockoff of Vera Wang's Princess) Then my twin cousin's Clyde and (I forgot the other one's name) got up with a third man. This was not in the obituary, and we all looked around @ each other. They then began singing "IT's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday" in soprano.
CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE WHAT THAT SHIT SOUNDS LIKE?
Halfway through the 1st verse, the thridman starts beat-boxing loudly into the microphone. Mind you, it was very difficult to control my laughter by this time that and because of my cousin Brannon, who kept looking back at me and whispering, "Are these niggas for real?" They were. Meanwhile his daughter and his twin sister Shannon's toddler daughters were having a farting contest in the silence of us waiting for the pastor to begin. The pastor was, in a word, terrible. He didnt know my Aunt Bonnie at all, but on the other hand did the best improv sermon I've ever heard in my 19 years...then here come my older aunts, who start bawling and loudly wailing. The same aunt who last year told aunt bonnie, "You moving around too damn much. Sit yo ass down so you can be here next year." (CLEARLY, aunt bonnie did not listen.)While all that foolishness was going on I actually did take a minute to think about her, and realized that my family as a whole didnt know much about her. She was once a young, beautiful young black woman with strong native-american facial features and a dainty, ethnically ambiguous build (im guessing u can tell by now WE didnt look alike)(my maternal grandmother was blackfoot indian, and thats pretty much all i know about her heritage too)who wanted to find her paternal family in New York(the only other person who knew who her father was, was my grandmother. one of many secrets she took to her grave.) While she was up there, she got hooked on heroin, and by the time she made it back down here, with children in tow, she and her health were never the same...Leading up to the woman Ive always known with a raspy voice, cigarette somewhere in her hand, weird curly white hair, and sick slanted eyes who gave me 5 dollars per holiday.....Do any of you guys have family like that? People you know, but realize you know nothing about?
Anyway, being immediate family I had to sit tight and wait for the rest to file out before I could leave. Just so you all know, Aunt Bonnie was Cremated, but that surely didnt stop people from grabbing the urn and taking pictures with it.What in the hallowed hell? My people, my people, my people.
Updates I'll b posting on:
* My budding friendship w/knowledge. havent mentionbed much about him but I'll write soon. It is truely nice to have a friend thats a guy, if beginning there or ending there...
* Morehouse class of 2000 vs 2012 lol
* What my turkeyday consisted of!(dont get your hopes up-its only more morbid humor)

**forever Flyy**

Waiting For the Fruit to Fall....

This is how tired and old I feel.Its how i look like right now, actually...ok just kidding. But I am indeed exhausted.ok, lol i look a lil more like this

Midterms are finished, but Im still pretty beat up from having to work. Yes, the night-desk clerk job I have that was supposed to be part time has turned into an all-night thing, every night. But I have bills, man. So let me not even go into that whole spiel....Lately, people have been asking me, "What made you grow up?" "when did you become sista souljah?" and really, I dont know.Does anyone ever know?(btw, why do you have to be "acting grown" to not be showing your ass?) But then again, when asked, if ever, why am I REALLY in college, my soul says it doesnt know either. So I pretty much put me on hold and do it for other people.
Do any of you guys ever feel like you do some things for other people? Its not that I dont want to be in school, because I sincerely love college.I love to learn.But my main reasons for being here are my family. My mother didnt get to graduate, and she pretty much lives through me. It breaks my heart sometimes when I come home and Im regaling her with tales of this knucklehead or that wack professor, and her eyes light up because she never got to experience that and she so longs for it. In my Mother's day post, I mentioned how i would do anything for her, and how I really feel Im her made over sometimes, just a continuation. Hell, she tells me how i took her body all the time lol. But if I have to break my back and get a new one from weariness and stayin in school, I'd do it just for her....
Also, Im doing it for my two younger sisters. So they know its okay to be smart and nuts and quirky because there's a place for everyone.So they know just what a classy (except for my trashmouth,lol)young woman can do. And so that they cant ever say they cant do it...I dont ever wanna be like Kim K, who said on the tyra show, she tries to empower women and set good examples for HER two little sisters.
***blank stare***


So since I'm nurturing this tree Im just waitin for the fruit to fall...for my money to come, for my next opportunity to bless someone because im being blessed,for a new lesson...tick-tock,fruit.
HOWEVER.
there's still some fertilizer I need to put down. I've made some mistakes I need to rectify. And this weekend Im goin home to fix a biggie. Of course by now if u've peeked around here any, you'd kno abt my ups and downs, ons and off w/ HIM. as in "Hip-Hop".(who btw told me he didnt mind my feminist beliefs because it was mostly bullshit opinios anyway, and if it doesnt make money it doesnt make sense. Nevermind without it, his mother and girl cousins wouldnt even b able to vote...jesus, are u giving me a sign or taking the red flag and smacking me in the face with it?) And after this weekend, I'll pretty much know whether or not I've really matured into a grown woman. (sigh) wish me luck, even if you dont know what the hell im talkin about.I will write and tell 'yall...This next week is going to be crazy. Ive told my friend The Queen (i think she thinks that's her real name, too.lol)that I would be in her fashion show....but I cant believe that I did that!Now I can do some car show type deal (cuz thats what im built for) bouncin around in hardly no clothes (but those days are over since I'm queen latifah now lol)I dont know how to use my height and my legs!what if the clothes she's desginig dont fit me right? WTF?!!! and after that, I've agreed to be sold off in a date auction to raise money for breast cancer awareness...sold off...i dont know why I do these boneheaded things. I guess for you all's entertainment.I can just picture some strange, monkey like non-greek pickin me up and carryin me accross the threshold whilst slappin my ass and burpin...ugh.Speakin of men, I was chatting w/ one of my longtime love interests last night, and wondered if he had gotten his mind together, as in, not tryna get any, anymore. He hasnt. Still love him though.... But I do have a question for all my grown-up lady readers and male ones too: Does the quest for booty ever stop? Do they ever stop hankering, hinting, and panting after it? How many times can I say NO?And if you really want to turn me on, talk to me about the election! Tell me you want to take me to church with you one day! treat me to freaking dinner! I refuse to believe that Chivalry is dead! you utter the word feminist and people hear the word "DYKE"! There's got to be a gentleman somewhere...can I find the last of the dying breed?
Can I?
Smile. I might have...Enter KNOWLEDGE, stage right....