thanks for nothing, something, and everything

Ah, thanksgiving. A time when everybody gets together and fills their little bellies with all the gross and fattening things they desire....I cant say mine was any different.The only difference was the location...I got a lot of love from everybody though, something i didnt really expect. My whole family...But I did discover the thing that I am most thankful best friend, Kayla. And the fact that I think Im actually on the verge of saying "I'm grown!" and meaning it.From thanksgiving all the way to yesterday, the 1st of december, we both have had to wrestle with questions about friendship....ours, and relationships with others. It took some pretty crazy circumstances for us to figure out what the great kimora lee simmons said was true: you're lucky if you only have one good one.I hate to be soppy about it, because when other people give me that bull im totally rolling my eyes (in secret) so let me just share with you what happened.
This weekend: kaylas dude Durrell came to visit. So did my ex, Desmen. I didnt really want to see him at all, but I figured now would be the best time for closure, since Id hoped to never see him again in life. The both of them embarrassed the HELL out of us. They were big and stupid looking, and scared most of the little white girls on our floor (with good reason probably) Even the way they spoke made me lower my eyes in shame! Luckily, we didnt have to take them too many places. But the true problem came at nite. there was no way for four people to sleep in this little dorm room altogether. And both I and Kayla were really close with the girls living on both sides of us, and they were close as well (and had rooms to themselves!) everybody usually made accomodations when somebody had a guest. they would move to the next room with somebody else. Well, this time Me and Dez had to go becasue kayla staked claims to our room. I was fine with that becasue There are two beds in every room on our floor. Dez could sleep in one, I in the other! (i didnt want that creatan any more!) SO liz agreed to let us use her room. We were having our usual late-night hangout in lizs room, with everybody eating pizza, and it began to get late.She wanted to put on a movie. I wanted to go to sleep.And nobody was really in Hannah's (our "friend" on the other side of us) room. So they could move the party in there, right? Wrong. I was getting frustrated while trying to tell them in the nicest way possible to get out, while they, all ten to twelve of our "friends", were taking the passive aggressive approach and just stood there. Especially my "best friend" Marissa. I have known marissa since High school. We hung in the same circle. We were tight! or I thought, But surprisingly, she was the "voice of the people", getting smart with us and telling me that they had no reason to move becasue they were eating. PIZZA, a handheld food. Not a 5 course meal. They could move themselves, the tv, the whatever to Hannahs' becasue it wadnt A BIG FLIPPING DEAL! Finally I opened the door and told them all to get out. so Liz starts crying and holding her hands up and talking about how angry she was and all this, soliliquoy type deal, while Marissa is comforting her and rubbing her back like we just cussed her out or something. Finally they both left, without looking at me or Kayla. I was stupified. Never in all my 18 years had I been witness to such foolishness, and I'd been in the theater for 8 years! Which led me to question Kayla, how would they really react if we ACTED A FOOL? we're like their own little ghetto girls, their pets!, just becasue we're black. I've never lived out of the suburbs in my freaking life. they get afraid or uncomfortable when we get annoyed! They'd never seen my angry! And they wont, becuase then if they had there'd be tears everywhere. And Im never going to show that, and give them a reason to call me an "angry black woman". Back to me and Kayla. She was trying to comfort me, becasue I HATE confrontation, but that doesnt mean I wont go off. So we're in the hallway talking, when we stop and hear Liz talking to her mother in Hannah's room.She tells her that I just threw them out (which I did) but I cant do that becasue its HER room and they shouldnt have had to leave right then. Also that she was so mad, she was going to knock my head into something, and that she was calling on jesus so that I wouldnt have to call on jesus myself when she got through with me.
1st of all, I dont play about jesus. EVER. and that was a freaking joke, considering this was coming from the same person who said she was going to address jesus as "look, b****" when we were all sitting on the bus stop.
2nd of all, I dont play when it comes to my elders. I have always been respectful to mothers, aunts, uncles, whatever. So for anybody to paint me in a light that makes me look worse than they are sets me off! I never claimed to be perfect, but darnit we're not going to play the tattling game. We are grown now. If you have a problem, COME TO ME. not your mother, cuz i that case I can bring my mother and then itll just be some mothers in it too. but that's just foolishness, and as I write this, I am letting it all go.
3rd you going to do what to me? that's another thing i have a problem with somebody not saying to my face, because we dont have anything but space and opportunity. Im all for peace, but let me just say this: Put your hands on me. Once. That's all I need. And I'll leave it at that.
so I guess we werent talking anymore and thats fine with me. Chalk it up to people being ready to go home, tired of school, and whatever. But as long as Kayla and my mother behind me, that's all I need. But what hurts the most is that i thought we could all talk to each other since we were supposed to be friends, and Friends do for one another. Liz let me borrow things that I needed,and took care of her when she was drunk, and in turn, I did her hair, gave her a microwavee to use when her roommate desrted her without telling her, took care of her when she was sick,and I and Kayla both held her on nights when she was bawling alone on the carpet in the darn hallway becasue she just didnt understand why she couldnt get the guys that she wanted and other craziness.(did I mention Liz is black?)
And marissa: I just dont have any words for her.
Oh my friends, but the weekend wasnt over!!!!! The next morning kayla took the boys to the little breakfast buffet.I didnt want to go becasue i didnt want to be seen with them. (people talk, especially haters!) So I stayed alone in the room and dressed, when I came across Durrell's phone. My spirit battled with me for a few minutes becasue I didnt know if it would be right for me to go through it. But guys cant be trusted, and so I opened his phone. Sure enough, there were girls galore in there! There were pictures, texts, missed calls, everything. I had to tell kayla, plus I emailed some of the pictures to my email address to show her later. Everything was all well and good until we were in the car, taking these fools home. I accidentally left my email address in there and he saw it and accused me of being in his phone. At first I lied, but then I gleefully said I was in his phone. why lie now? Then he got loud. Rude. Scary.I was loving it, but poor kayla was distraught. He had lied to her, and to those gurls in his phone about her. Finally when he ran out of excuses, he accused me of being gay and that I had a crush on her and this was why I was making everything up. I am not gay, an issue I am sure of becasue I ventured into that realm once before and didnt like being there. I LOVE guys. plus, if I was, kayla definitely isnt my type. (I tell her this regularly.)I waved my final goodbye to Des and sat in the car while the other two argued, and wondered how I could let such an idiot into my life. He wasnt in school, he didnt have a job, car, and no aspirations for the future. Durrell wasnt any better. Kayla was thankful for me because I did this (i just had a feeling!), and I was definitely thankful for her when everybody in our dorm showed their true colors. a goofy episode, I know.And the other friend I am thankful for is my Walt. He has no aspirations right now to be in a relationship because he jsut got out of a 5 yr one. Keep in mind, we're only 18. Thats a long time. Im just fine with that, because I need to figure out where the hell I am, what the hell I need to be doing,when to do it, and who I am. But the things he had done for me already as a friend are more astronomical than anything any of my past boyfriends ahve done for me. And if we dont end up together, I'm still appreciative that I had him to lean on for at least this long. And I'm glad I can look to somebody for an example when girls say, "boys are dogs!" Not all of them, ladies. So for the 2 friends I have here, the lessons (more than academic ones) im learning, and the love I have at home is what keeps me thankful. And the fact that I am thankful, well, that just makes me even more fly than I already am.....
ps..I'm gonna include pics of everybody so u can get a visual...
pps....I lost my phone AND my sidekick!