Celibacy: My Choice to Make a Choice

When I look in the mirror, I mostly see exactly what others tell me they see: sex. Largeish eyes, big lips, and cartoonish curves. And it isnt namely men who see this. Since I was a younger girl (since Im still a youngin) even my family thought I was sexually active. My clothes were always a little too tight,(whether fashionable or not-and most often not), and I was always 10 pounds too voluptous for the average teenager. What is so funny to me is that I am the complete opposite of my long,brooding face and dangerous ass. Im not a prude, but I most certainly am not chopping it up with every guy I date. And as of late, Ive made the decision not to chop it up at all. Ive decided to to practice celibacy until further notice. There are a plethora of reasons why I've decided not to hit the sheets anymore, but I'll just list a couple of the biggies so as not to put your all's asses to sleep.

Religion- I am always a work in progress. They say the road to hell is paved w/good intentions, but I hope to be operating in the right directing if instead of intending, I take action. Even though I definitely think about it, sometimes I feel guilty for just the thought. Perhaps since im on this new mission to become more god-like (by resisting temptation) I can get a little closer to god. and that makes me happy.
::Gets into the spirit now::

Health: Aids/HIV is the number one Killer of African-American women. Had I still been with Hip-Hop (who luckily didnt expose me to HIV, but with the number of women he was screwing while he was cheating, he was damn close to obliterating both of us)I might have been sitting somewhere looking crazy, losing T-cells with each cough. Im too young to be dealing with so much foolishness. Also, with each woman a man sleeps with, he is thought to become more virile and stronger sexually. With each man a woman sleeps with, those are miles on your kitty cat that you cant get back! After you've been ran through so many times, kegels can only do so much. And since I'm but a mere babe in the grand scheme of life, im trying my best to keep my Henrietta FRESH! can YOU dig it?
Relationships:I refuse now and forevermore to rush sex in a relationship. Before Ive done it in my relationships because
*I was bored
*I was horny
*I wanted to keep hope alive
Though that second one was something every human being feels, every relationship that I had sex in,ended. (and sometimes ended terribly!) After sex I immediately start catching feelings for the guy, even if he doesnt. From now on, I want those kinds of feelings to already exist between us before I even think of making that move.Besides, like I've said in past entries, I've come to learn that though most women dont want it to be this way, relationships are comprised mostly of games and challenges, and 9 times out of ten once you "give it up", the guy gets bored. He's won! and he will eventually move on. Im not looking to have that happen in my next go round. Why?

sO i'D rather be left a thousand times for not ponying up than to screw and get screwed over. Why share a jail cell with Lorena Bobbit when you can just move on with not as much invested?
Now that I've declared to commencing this journey, I dont know when it will end. Certainly not tomorrow, beacuase
a)Im not in a commited, monogamous relationship
b) I feel as though I give my power up to the guy when I give it up. right now there is nothing better than switching my big "dangerous" ass around this campus and life, feeling that there is this electricity coming up off me that not just any man can touch.I HAVE THE POWER LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, AND I AM GREEDY WITH IT! lol
Ive already told a couple of my girlfriends and some guy friends as well. But if nobody asks, im zipping it. A couple of my girls scoffed, while my other girls were supportive. It doesnt really matter, because I'm not on a quest to prove someone right or wrong. This is about me. All the guys i told didnt believe me, which is fine as well. It shows that they dont really know me or how serious i am when I get on my soapbox. They, in turn, wont have a chance in hell of having me. All I know is, the next time I let a man ring my bells, it'll be because I'm deeply feeling him and what he is about and am willing to share myself. and it will be purely my choice.If not, go cool your hot balls off somewhere else. :) I know what I deserve.