a love so sweet...and funny

my high schoolsweetie-who-will-truthfully-probably-end-up-being-my-husband Will made this about a yr or two was so hilarious...he told me it was for me when he sent it....look at me! so flyy....lmao just kidding. oh well, enjoy.

ps...he's the 1st one in the video. aint he a doll?

Me, Love, and Sex and The Country

So of course after I went to see sex and the city, I had to post. Actually I tried to post while in the movie, but there wasn't any service. Darnit. Well, I have to say, I wasn't dissapointed. The movie was great, and I just love happy endings. And of course the main philosophy or rhetoric in the movie, was love. More so how loving yourself always pans out the rest of life's chaos, though that definitely doesn't happen in real any case, I, michelle, marissa, and joia (the crew) went to see it. We love to compare ourselves to the characters in the show, but of course there really is no comparison to them. Just like there is no comparison to us....hey, we're real! And in the The movie, however, raised the regular red flags. Does it really take as long as early 40's and 50 before you figure out who it is that you want to be with? If that's the case, for us as black women, we're as good as done. Spinsters. Old folks say, "just put it in the lords hands and he will send you the man he wants you to be with." But what If God has destined us to be alone? How does one, especially a woman, deal with that? All women, I believe, have an inherent need to be loved. And the old people that say that crap have usually been married off for 50 plus years, since they were my age or younger! And that sort of love almost never happens anymore. So even if I were to have been willing to throw in the towel at the end of my eight grade education, nobody would be willing to jump the damn broom with me! And loving yourself. When have you discovered that you do? When you're forcing yourself to spend time alone and geting to know yourself, what then? What do u do with that? And carrie had had Big in her life for ten years before he finally committed. OMG! Jay and beyowulf got married after six, shit! But I know every woman out there has a Big. A man that they are uncomparably and forever in love with, even if the relationship didn't last. Why can't we end up with him? When my mother was a little older than me she dated some man named john. (Of course, his name had to be john lol) he was intelligent, hardworking, and had a great future in front of him. And he was madly in love with my mother. But my mother did not feel the same about him. He proposed, and mom, not knowing what to do, ran to my grandmother for advice. My granny told her to marry him. "But mama", my mom said, " I don't love him".said granny, "you'll grow to love him." but she never did, and she couldnt bring herself to do it. She, like me, was full of fire and ideals about how the way things SHOULD be in the world. And as the fate and furies would have it, her Big happened to be a man who was became horribly and irrevocably hooked on crack cocaine. IT broke her heart....and she told me she still thinks about him to this day. And, at almost 40, she ended up marrying a nice god fearing man (my stepfather) whom she loves. But not that DANGEROUS love. And in turn, John became a very rich businessman with a big house and fancy cars and a wife who sat on her ass all day. Do you think my mother still wants to work? I think not, esepcially as she's nearing 50 now, and retirement is no where in sight for her. Often she regrets not marrying John. Grow to love...hhhmmmm. I dont think i can do that either. Say you DO end up with your Big, though. What if he ends up not loving you as intensely and foreverfully as you do him? Move on, right? Well, that crap is definitely easier said than done. And that thought scares me more than the thought of never finding him (IF i haven't found him already...)But I guess the one thing that holds true is that it's only a woman, or your particular group of women, that's your safety I'm really glad I have my girls. But one day, after it's all said and done, and you're either married or alone, will they always be enough?Will you? For now, I'll say yeah.

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.: - Carrie Bradshaw

ps...later i WILL post a blog about my favorite girl, kayla, waho was even Before my crew...I love that ho.


hip hop chronicles part 2

I am an evil person. sometimes. well, alot. becasue underneath all my comedy and all my, um, ashleighness, there is still an insecure little girl there....I reconciled with hip-hop. I felt as though I couldn't be without him, breathe without him, or anything, especially while he's still in the vicinity and it's almost as though I can feel his heart beating somewhere....oh dear, I'm starting to slip into spoken word crap, let me go on....ladies, have you ever been jealous another woman and that woman didnt even know you existed? Or maybe she had some inkling that there is a you but she doesnt know who you are? If you're confused, then let me clarify. Things have been going really well with me and hip-hop lately (i think ive fallen!) but there is one roadblock of a woman in the way of my dreams! let's call her Nicole.* Nicole and hip-hop were friends for five years before WE ever met. She is a singer and in the business they're in, in their careers theyve worked together alot. (she needs people like him if she wants to get her music out.) . in any case, he told me (recently) that they're just friends and that's all they would ever be. Before that when I asked he called her a gold-digger. BEFORE that he said that was the closest thing he had had to a girlfriend. I smell emotions from this nigga,man. And i dont like it.And something about her is nagging the SHIT out of me, and I was told never to ignore the little voice inside.(well, that and the damn myspace comments they occasionally post to each other....yeah, I meddle! so fuckin what!)So of course you can guess what she looks like: some half-breed exotic beauty with big doe eyes and pale skin and long curly hair, therefore making my nubian beauty darken in comparison....what's worse is, I actually think she's probably a sweet person. So sometimes i feel bad for hating her and wanting her to dissapear from his life. (am I wrong for that?) I keep wondering why I'm even bothered by the thought of her; she's all the way across the country! I'm the one that wakes up in his arms, I'm the one he talks to every day, and the one he constantly reassures and just tells me to have a little faith in tell me, is my woman's intuition just out of wack? Is it ok for your man to have female friends, especially when in the career he's in you can't do shit about it anyway? I need some answers.
P.s, the job isnt fuckin great, but it isn't the worst either. That's for anther day.
pss, final question: Why do all black men think they have a prize when they have some non-black woman? Sorry to offend you brothers if this isnt you, but i gotta know somethn!


not enough time.....

1 day, I WILL find the patience to blog....In the meantime, let me share with you my stlye influences...
Kim K (i promise ONLY a style influence....we're built alike....I'm just way taller. but I bite her style all the time)
Jessica Rabbit (c'mon everybody loves Jessica Rabbit!)
Enjoy the pics! (again!lmao)



I so dont feel like posting.but hey, here's a funny pic for ya!