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Thursday

Peek in the life of an Athelete's Wife....

"Stacks on Deck
Wrist full of ice...
Ima go & get this degree
Then shawty I'ma buy whatever I like....."
I've been walkin around singin my remixed ditty-bop in my head for some time now...and like I begin every entry...I know, I know i havent wrote BUT...lol. No explanations this time, dudes. Just know I actually have been following everybody's day-to-days on my sidekick. I have 5 tests coming up and am not as panicked as I think I should be about it....probably because I'm frustrated about other things like life period...but such is life. Willie (as mentioned is past blogs) has gone to Morehouse, Hip-Hop is DEAD, and I dont too much feel like entertaining any other people, so my love life is a running joke between me and my roommate as well. But the joke I wanted to share with you guys was my whirlwind 5 second affair w/ a UK jock, a basketball drafter that just came here...After facebook stalking will and seeing he was MORE than enjoying his time w/his newfound "Georgia Peaches", I was pissed, mostly out of jealousy. I cut political science and went to lunch with my old high school friend Louis, something i almost never do because one, I dont eat lunch and two, I'm a hermit and dont Gel well w/ the black folk here. As Louis went off to find some nasty piece of corn-fed unhealthy chicken to masticate (Chik-Filet of course!), I stood alone, fidgety and adjusting my clothes, and felt a pair of eyes on me. Have you ever felt that? When the naps on the back of your neck prickle, and its not because you need a perm? Well, when I located them, I was taken aback to find the specimen attached to them. The brother was fine. Caramel, 6ft plus and starin at me like I was dessert, which always wins you points...lol. Never a shy Southern Bell, I walked over and introduced myself.
After tellin me in a thick accent his name and also findin out we had a class togetha, he finally told me his claim to fame was because he was drafted to our basketball team, and he was originally from Baton Rouge, Louisiana. (Creole Magic! Yummy!lol)so we exchanged numbers and parted ways. I felt vindicated because of Will, and flabbergasted because an Athelete wanted to talk to me! Im no Kim kardashian (im built way thicker, thanks! lol) or Vanessa Bryant! I'm a big chocolate glamazon! WTF? So for the next week he walked me to class, out and around campus, and texted incessantly, and it was mighty cute. It felt even better to know that it wasnt the sun burnin my black ass, it was the envious stares from other girls! But the cuteness fizzled out when Creole Magic Finally revealed his intentions (duh, you knew this story was goin somewhere!) In the middle of class he handed me a note in small scrawley handwriting asking me 1)When we were gonna do it because i was fine as hell and he "couldnt wait to put it on my thick azz" and 2)did I have stretch marks? because they were sexy as hell and I looked like I had a lot. SIDEBAR: Was that shit supposed to be a compliment? What the hell is sexy about stretch marks? Well hell, if u like it I love it....I had to kindly but Firmly tell his ass that I'm nobody's piece, jump-off, or any ish like that and I was here to get an education, not to be any body's future baby mama or arm candy (though it was nice for a lil while...) Creole Magic seemed unfazed...that is, untill I noticed he wasnt following me to my next class like a puppy dog any longer..the icing on the cake was that weekend, the weekend of the greatest house party I've been to so far, the defining (finally) moment of college fun for me.(i WILL write about my bad party experiences later...) Right in front of me, he was dance-humping some skinny chick that looked like a burnt prayin mantis, the way she was bent, twisted, and angled around his 6'6 frame. I couldnt say much but could only sigh, especially when he made it a point to get the number of a girl who's dress was hiked up over her lumpy behind and stretched out across her cut, and sweat making her weave bangs come loose in the front. (I wish I had a picture.) I could only walk away sayin, "my brother, my brother......"

So Now I do understand what the allure of being an athelete's wife/girlfriend is. To know that everybody is grilling you, wishing they had a chance wit your man (though I KNOW he wasnt mine, you know what I mean. To walk around wearing his jersey proudly, cuz u know if both of y'all play your cards right, his jersey really will be important, and you'll be draped in something way better than his funky old shirt....Still, the allure of being draped in that same shyt because I bought it turns me on even more....one of the reasons why I'm still here.
And besides being a roaring hip-hop feminist and refusing to give it up to someone i dont know because my mama taught me better, I just like Smart dudes, nerds who are going somewhere, smart brothers, since I'm a smart sista. I never knew how much I appreciated all Hip-Hop's educational accolades, or Willie's intelligence or wit, until I had somebosy whisperin in my ear in class...."Aye sexxy gull (yes he says gull!), you know I'ma be copyin off you on dis test!"
Great. Now this Scooter's future is in my hands. If I let him copy, he'll scrape by and pass, possibly become very known and get drafted to the NBA, and set up yet another ignorant mexican video girl up for life in the future....and if I dont let him copy, And y'all kno his ass'll fail, I'll b contributing to yet another black man dropping/getting kicked out of school, not getting a job, and or contributing to crime or more having impoverished black children than Hurrican Katrina. Decisions, decisions.
And people wonder why it's been said that black women are the mules of the world. lol.

15 comments:

All-Mi-T [Thought Crime] Rawdawgbuffalo said...

mac momma - lol

Darius T. Williams said...

LOL - hilarious. Um, chik-fil-a is the ish. I wish we had one here in Chicago.

Um, that 6'6" is hot. But that text was no compliment.

glad you're not a bust down - but I would've been. I mean, it's your college days, right? I'd have a night of fun and walked away. nothing to it.

burnt praying mantis? HILARIOUS!

Eb the Celeb said...

lmao @ in the nba with mexican chick...

he is a cutie...

I let some players in my math class cheat back in college...

really dont think its your burden... if you dont let them cheat and he's a star player... the coach will find a way to get him excused anymore... so just take it as you making the process easier...

Anonymous said...

He's cuteee! Lol. Not to sound like a prune, but you did the right thing not givin' it up! Love your blog, & I'm glad you finally updated. I just started reading & had to go back & read it ALL!

Unknown said...

oh my god. You almost killed me!
i was laughin so hard i was choking....

ROFL @ "he was dance-humping some skinny chick that looked like a burnt prayin mantis, the way she was bent, twisted, and angled around his 6'6 frame. I couldnt say much but could only sigh, especially when he made it a point to get the number of a girl who's dress was hiked up over her lumpy behind and stretched out across her cut, and sweat making her weave bangs come loose in the front"

OH MY GOD.
thank you. HAHA

paix, Asia Dee

Tony Stark said...

A Hip Hop feminist huh? Watch out, I may test you on that! :)

RealHustla said...

I like you.

Anonymous said...

You wouldn't be contributing to his failure as a black man because it is entirely his responsibility whether white, black, yellow, red or purple to do good in school. Besides, some of the most impoverished people with everything against them have gone on to be the most successful people alive.

And he has definitely got some nerve. Some text messages and some walks to class definitely do not equate sex. I've read men are incredibly likely to read friendship as sexual invitation. Bleh. It's a good thing you didn't get involved with him seeing as how he'd rather go with tasteless girls who give it up rather than a tasteful girl like you who has respect for herself. MHMM>

(vixenchick) said...

ew that dude is a loser!

Francesca said...

LOL, can't believe his attempt at getting in your pants. Good thing you held out!

Muze said...

he's cute. this post was hilarious.

gotta stop by more often.

peaces!

Saitek said...

LMFAO!!!!

all i can say is wow...

Latoya said...

Im speechless...WOW lol

ANGELINA said...

i stumbled across your blog and i like :)

so he's a cutie but not worth it. that note was so immature and rude. i'm happy you set him straight :)

"I just like smart dudes, nerds who are going somewhere, smart brothers, since I'm a smart sista"...i totally agree! there is nothing like ambition and intelligence in a man!

Complicated Melody said...

There's nothing wrong with having standards and saying no to people who really don't care about you.