youre a bad bitch, huh?

I understand now why every adult doesnt smile that much. When I was a kid, though my smile wouldnt exactly light up a Just For Me perm box, I couldnt understand why most adults never seemed that happy. But today, I dont undesrtand why adults smile at all....

I was beating down the lotion bottle this morning to get the last out of the bottom (we ARE in a recession) when i flipped through the channels onto CNN. The lotion was soon forgotten, as was the rest of the chores I had for the day ass I watched CNN for most of it. Of course we all know what the most prevalent issues have been in the past few weeks: Bernie Madoff, one of the greatest hustlers of our time and the bailout of the AIG company, a GROUP of the greatest hustlers of our time. The more I listened, the more I got pissed off! But hold the phone, because Bernie the Beast doesnt deserve all my broke wrath. A good majority of the people who invested in his ventures deserve an equal portion of my wrath as well, since their main reasons for joining up with him were quick returns on cash buildup. TRhey were some greedy asses! While I do feel sorry for the 90 yr olds who now have to return to work as security guards, I cannot help but feel heaps of apathy for the younger people who's greedy asses are now as broke as I am. They are only now just beginning to feel the woes that my parents, and now me, feel every fucking day! Welcome to the real world! Had these people still had the millions that Bernie the Beast Swindled, I dont quite think their asses would be trying to feed the hungry or help the homeless. As I watched the past smug girns and leers be replaced by Woe-is-me no more yachts and valets tears, I felt, well,vindicated. They'll have to wash their asses with a rag like everyone else now, not a BIDET.
Moving right along, I think that the AIG is a complete joke in ethics and accolades, yet SUCH smooth criminals for demanding that a large portion of their bailout go to $50 and $60 million dollar bonuses for the jackasses who've been raping America's economy in the ass for years!How odd that in spite of that, if we got rid of them Americas recession would take a turn for the worst and crash and burn...
Jesus, it wont be long,huh?
While I'm on this rant concerning money, I want y'all to know that
BANKS ARE THE DEVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have really been conscious this year in my money saving and spending efforts (one of my New Year's Resolutions was to have saved half a stack by the years end)and the bank is not having it!!! They wait until I dont have any money in my account to process payments, they charge mad fees on top of fees until Im in debt and calling my mama, crying. In the words of Kanye:
"WHY WONT YOU JUST LET ME BE GREAT!!!!!"
im going to sleep.

LA, LA LA LA, wait till I get my money right....

Yesterday morning, over Hip-Hop's house (who by the way it only took tonight for our relationship to deteriorate again-he's too damn old for this now i mean damn...)I pulled up the blinds and looked out of the big bay window of his loft. I looked down at the little people walking the streets and looked across the way of our bridge, linking us to another state. I put my elbows down and stared out at this glittering, pretty, yet country, little metropolis and thought to myself:
Damn I am so broke.
I quit the telemarketing job yesterday. I was a horrible saleswoman (as i suspected ever since i got freaking hired there) and only averaged about 1 sale per hour. Apparently the people over me didnt think it so wise that i and other wack sales people be allowed to get paid for doing nothing (which is basically what we all are doing there anyway) and started cutting my hours. To two-hour-at-a-time shifts. do you know how much gas costs, man? I had to cut that bull ish short. So i went to get my check today, took off my badge when I got it, and rolled the hell out of there. I've just almost finished oaying this month's round of bills so if I stay in the house and go nowhere i just might be able to scrape by with these last two checks....(silently kicking myself for not working at the sex shop....)
however, that is not where my problems w/money end.
I am 4 stacks short of my tuition money. And that's to pay for LAST semester. Things are getting pretty crucial right now, seeing as I only have two months to get sometype of scholarship or Loan. It's hard as hell to get a loan in my household, becasue like a lot of black parents i know ( i wont say all) their credit is F***** and you know you have to have a great cosigner for those things...anyway, I'm starting to panic. I really dont know what to do. I keep trying to remember, there are loads of people who are in worse positions than you!!!! but that mantra isnt workin as well as it used to....
somebody pray for me.lol

When It Rains, It Pours.....

It's been raining for almost a week. I am so not impressed. And neither were my parents, when I told them about my potential job offer (workin at the sex shop) man, it was a civil damn war at my house. My daddy is a deacon, and my mom...well, she walks on a wilder side, but still believes what she believes, put it that way. They were all "that is the gateway to hell. Next is sex and drugs!" and then they said I was gonna start strippin. A damn stripper, they said.
Daddy: you're a beautiful girl! and some man is gonna come in the shop one day and look at you and say, "hey, little girl, you wanna make some money? I know the perfect way...." I don't want you to lose your innocence babygirl! (What innocence?)Oh lord.
(And off he goes to pray, but not before having his first of a series of shots. Amen.)
Mama: I just don't believe you. What is wrong with you? What kinda toys and gagdets you gotta have so bad that you gotta strip?
Me: strip? I'm workin as a CASHIER!!!
Mama: that's just the 1st step!
It was then that I realized, I shoulda never turned 18 if they didn't want me to take jobs they wouldn't. I'M A GROWN ASS WOMAN, THANKS! (Actually, I'm not. I'm just old enough to say it,heehee.)but hey, if I want to be a stripper, that's pretty much my prerogative....
Me: look mama, I'm gonna do what I wanna do. I have to pay for college, ya know! I'm going to my room! Oh my god!
And off I went.meanwhile, it was still rainin outside...and in my life! But I didn't want to spite them, so I took the dumb job as the dumb phone operator. Truth be told: I'm a little nervous. I have finally accepted the fact that I am a boughie little black girl. I've lived in the burbs since I was ten, and before that a nice, quaint neighborhood with only old folks. I cant deal with the loud, finger snappin, ft long fingernails, multicolored weave havin around the way girls. I can't! Oh god I'm having an anxiety attack as we speak. Shaquanda and aquafina and them are cool with me as long as I'm not around them! Oh god, and then I'm really ashamed to say that; but I don't like white people that much either! I like people like me....but variety is the spice of life...I guess ill grow up one day. Ugh, training starts on monday.