All Hallowed Foolishness

IF LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES....
then is death like peas? lol just wondering.

meanwhile, I havent been posting much because I've been feeling a lil drained, and often without hope, when it suddenly occured to me that writing about it might make me feel better...I keep losing and getting back this stupid NIGHT DESK job!!!! you would think that a job that required almost no type of brain at all would be easy to attain and maintain! well hell, I'm thinking stripping might even be an easier task...I'm starting to almost believe that saying "College isnt for everybody." this has not been an easy three past semesters for me. AT ALL. but we're also in a recession, so what to do, what to do....but stay in school and try and get it together. Meanwhile, on the happy end of the spectrum, Im looking forward to snagging my first place!!! YAY!!!! I'm pretty sure that after this, nobody will be able to tell me NOTHING! But it's still in the works right now, so just keep your fingers crossed and pray for meh!!!ps, I felt super-better and motivated after I read an old post from Glimmering Hope (http://channand.blogspot.com y'all should check it out it's hot) that pretty much was a reassurance that the bull-ish happening to me now was really happeneing FOR me...food for thought. Anyway, in a past post I told you guys what I did for my halloween...
I attended a funeral.
It was my oldest maternal aunt Bonnie's funeral.It marked the 4th death in my life this year, and not exactly something I was looking forward to. (this is probably one of the contributing factors to my madness this year) I have a huge immediate family, so my outside family is such a numerous bunch, half of them I dont even know. (hope to god I havent dated any...) and while all the ones I know are boughie, live in extremely nice homes and have nice cars and a lil change in the bank, my outside family all reside in the HOOD. I already knew when my mom told me it was being held in a funeral home and not a church that i was in a for a sight.
1st of all: So many negroes showed up it looked like a freaking players ball, all the woman loud, and all the men scary. All throughout the aisles, things could be heard such as:
* "Girllllllll, where did you get that weave at? That new store on 45th and market?"
* "She KNOW she is wrong for wearing pink up in here..she probly spent her light bill money to buy that tacky ass outfit....chile tell the truth and shame the devil!"
* "Well I heard they couldnt afford no church, but that dont leave you and me."
* "Do they got food afterwards? Cuz i know this gon b long."
* "here put yo coat on this chair so dont nobody take my seat. its gettin packed and you know i betta not have to take off my earrings. Shit."

So amidst the babies cryin, relatives getting reacquainted, and seat shuffling, the service finally began. It started off cool, my youngest aunt sang a song....and then a singing ensemble got on the platform, and it went downhill from there. It was four people, one thick dread-locked man who sung soprano, my gay cousin gary (Iman is his stage name), one woman with a GINORMOUS ass and hips with the visible wedgie from hell, and a pregnant white girl with 5 inch nails and long red hair that touched her pancake behind. They sang a very,very strange rendition of "this battle is not yours (its the lord's.) from there my cousin troy got up and said some remarks that he wrote down (but he's a little slow) and ended up stuttering his way through the last sentence. Troy is 6'7 and 350, and when he got finished he ran back to his seat nervously and his big ass almost crashed to the floor. By this time my eyes had misted over from tears of laughter, and an allergic reaction to cousin Laquan's designer imposter perfume.( I do believe it was called Royalty, a knockoff of Vera Wang's Princess) Then my twin cousin's Clyde and (I forgot the other one's name) got up with a third man. This was not in the obituary, and we all looked around @ each other. They then began singing "IT's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday" in soprano.
CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE WHAT THAT SHIT SOUNDS LIKE?
Halfway through the 1st verse, the thridman starts beat-boxing loudly into the microphone. Mind you, it was very difficult to control my laughter by this time that and because of my cousin Brannon, who kept looking back at me and whispering, "Are these niggas for real?" They were. Meanwhile his daughter and his twin sister Shannon's toddler daughters were having a farting contest in the silence of us waiting for the pastor to begin. The pastor was, in a word, terrible. He didnt know my Aunt Bonnie at all, but on the other hand did the best improv sermon I've ever heard in my 19 years...then here come my older aunts, who start bawling and loudly wailing. The same aunt who last year told aunt bonnie, "You moving around too damn much. Sit yo ass down so you can be here next year." (CLEARLY, aunt bonnie did not listen.)While all that foolishness was going on I actually did take a minute to think about her, and realized that my family as a whole didnt know much about her. She was once a young, beautiful young black woman with strong native-american facial features and a dainty, ethnically ambiguous build (im guessing u can tell by now WE didnt look alike)(my maternal grandmother was blackfoot indian, and thats pretty much all i know about her heritage too)who wanted to find her paternal family in New York(the only other person who knew who her father was, was my grandmother. one of many secrets she took to her grave.) While she was up there, she got hooked on heroin, and by the time she made it back down here, with children in tow, she and her health were never the same...Leading up to the woman Ive always known with a raspy voice, cigarette somewhere in her hand, weird curly white hair, and sick slanted eyes who gave me 5 dollars per holiday.....Do any of you guys have family like that? People you know, but realize you know nothing about?
Anyway, being immediate family I had to sit tight and wait for the rest to file out before I could leave. Just so you all know, Aunt Bonnie was Cremated, but that surely didnt stop people from grabbing the urn and taking pictures with it.What in the hallowed hell? My people, my people, my people.
Updates I'll b posting on:
* My budding friendship w/knowledge. havent mentionbed much about him but I'll write soon. It is truely nice to have a friend thats a guy, if beginning there or ending there...
* Morehouse class of 2000 vs 2012 lol
* What my turkeyday consisted of!(dont get your hopes up-its only more morbid humor)

**forever Flyy**

Secrets of a Southern Belle...Who's Independence day?

Definitely not mine. When this day came into fruition, me and my peeps were still in the field singin "oh lordy, pick a bail uh cotton...oh lorday pick a bail uh hay...." so it wasnt much to celebrate. But since it was "independence day" i broke my dependence to my hairweave and let my head rest for the weekend if that means anything. I did go to a wedding, though. LET ME TELL YOU WHY I WAS DEAD-WRONG FOR ATTENDING THE WEDDING.MY HOISH CHICKENS CAME HOME TO ROOST. The couple were two people that I used to work with at a restaurant. I wont say their names, cuz I can get killed for what I'm about to share with you guys.Three years ago, at the tender age of sixteen, I carried on in an episode w/ the groom, then 24. ( yeah he's a nasty child molester, but it took me a couple years to figure that out, and how naive I was)anyway, I was still close with his family, becasue we all worked together and I went to high school with some of his cousins.They were the ones who begged me to come. What the hell would I look like ( the other woman thats what) going to his wedding? If it looks like a ho, walks like a ho, and smiles like a ho, it aint chicken. Also in attendance was my ex Courtney, who the Groom claims as his cousin.(i didnt know that until later.) He just moved here from AL not too long ago, and in that time, managed to cheat on me with every janky white bitch you can make up! So I didnt want to go alone, and I also didnt want to go with anybody ugly, or who knew about the situation. I had to come up with somebody...so I came up with Dez, the cheating boyfriend I've mentioned in past posts. H'es 6'6, dominican, indian, and black, and not the brightest crayon in the box. (HE WAS PERFECT!) so we got there and of course, all eyes were on us....heeheehee. and that was including my decidely new NONfriend, Krystal. Krystal attends the same school as me, is as intelligent, and extremely beautiful. The only resaon I tolerate her is becasue she's Chocolate and beautiful, and represents for us!( 'ill explain that story later) In any case, her social climbing ass was there, and deicded to give me the cold shoulder. (we in the south/midwest, and u are rude as hell if u dont speak, even if u hate each other!) so it was no surprise that karma breezed past us in the reception hall and she got knocked on her ass. (video below.enjoy.heehee)

So finally everybody settled down and the wedding began. It was perfect, short and sweet, just like I like it, and soo touching, actually. No matter how much hatred I felt towards the groom for things that happened, and pity i felt for the scrawney, chicken legged redbone bride, they didnt care. It was all about them, the way it should be. And a glimmer of jealousy sparked in my chest and spread untill I was completely green under neath my electric blue dress. I'm very afriad that I wont find THE ONE....nevertheless I'll always have me...so after the wedding everyone was passing out drinks, and my ex Coutney the Cheater was manning the Table and wouldnt give me one. (punk bitch)somehow i managed to finagle one anyway.So as I swtiched my flyy ass out the door to drop dez off and quite early, there was no need to stay and schmooze, thats just wrong) I didnt feel half as akward and wrong as I thought...WHat would one say about that?

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!/ I have readers!!! yay!

Ok, so sorry it took me so long to write. Life is a many splendored thing, ya know. Many busy bull**** things to do as well....anywhoo, I'm actually excited to dedicate this to my favorite girl....my mom! Ole girl's been around wwaaaayyy longer than I have, about time I did something for her, right?She's the original flyy gurl.. Sometimes though, I actually confuse my mom's life with mine...almost like I'm just a younger version of her, ready to start over again. We both act the same, I'm built like her, I love to write like her, and the reason (at times) I'm still in school and not bent over with my ass out on the pages of King and Smooth is because she didn't graduate college. (But I might be getting there soon...sista's gotta pay for college, ok?) We've been riding partners for a while now...all the way from the roach infested townhouse when it was just me and her and a tiny box tv, to the suburbs, a new dad, brother,sister, and cars and education for all of us..lol. What do I admire the most about her? Her realism. She knew she had to make money to feed us, so instead of chasing her dreams in cali as the journalist she wanted to be, she busted her guts for 19 years at a boring desk job in front of a computer screen...she tells me each and every time (when I ask) whether I've made a mistake with my new flavor of the week (and the woman is ALWAYS right! Grrr!) and sacrificed so that I could go to a performing arts middle school and then youth performing arts school, so I could have a car sitting outside at 15 and couldn't even drive it, so I could get that ridiculously extravagant white prom dress with see through bodice and dripping rhinestones!! (I'm starting to feel guilty as I write this) And all she wants is a condo in florida. Lmao. which seems to be something all old people clamor after....There's a vast variety of mothers in America, from the corporate working mother with latchkey kids to that project mama we all know who sits at home and watches her soaps and stays on the phone, to that beautiful trophywife did-she-really-pop-out-a-baby-or-is-it-her-sister's like Rebbie and Janet jackson....I would have to say my mom is a lil of all of these. All my aunts AND my friends say our relationship is too much like that of friends and not enough mother and daughter, but hell, without her they wouldn't know half the sex ed info they do....another hearty laugh... So here's to you "Shoo"! Know that I love you and would trade my next breath just so u could breathe on....HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!

Ps...omigod I have readers! This is like a dream come true....I'm doing my pageant wave in front of my computer screen...my goofball life is not in vain...